Choosing the right dog for your lifestyle

Over the many years I’ve spent working with families and their dogs, I’ve found that two key traits in a dog seem to be the best predictors of a happy client: a sweet temperament and a low to moderate energy level. When these two factors are in place, my clients are generally very satisfied with their dogs. The funny thing is, no amount of training can change either of these factors. Now, as a dog trainer, I’m all about the power of training—but it does have its limits. Most people get that training won’t turn a high-energy dog into a couch potato, but some still wonder if it can change a dog’s temperament.

Temperament is a mix of nature and nurture. Sure, dogs, like people, do best when they feel safe and loved. But let’s be real—dogs aren’t blank slates. Every pup comes with their own personality, and while you can shape it a bit with the right environment, you can’t completely rewrite it. Raising a puppy "right" won’t guarantee they won’t develop fears or quirks as an adult—genetics have a big say in how they turn out. While nothing’s ever certain with dogs, taking your time to pick a pup that fits your lifestyle is a solid first step.

Famous last words: "I want a smart dog.” Choosing a dog is like picking a roommate. If your main criteria for a roommate is, “I want someone smart so they’ll learn the house rules quickly,” you might end up with a Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory. For those not familiar, Sheldon’s a genius physicist who uses his brainpower to drive everyone around him absolutely bonkers—and somehow always gets his way. Let’s be real, no one would call Sheldon “trainable.” Intelligence and a willingness to follow the rules are two totally different beasts.

So, for those dead set on needing a “smart” dog, here’s a thought: The basics we teach our dogs—potty training, sit, down, come, stay—barely scratch the surface of what they can do. If your dog’s struggling with these, it’s not because they’re lacking in the brains department. In all my years of training, I’ve never once thought, “Man, this dog just isn’t smart enough to get this.” That thought has literally never crossed my mind.

So why are some things so hard to teach? Sure, there are the obvious reasons: the training method might not make sense to the dog, or maybe there’s a lack of consistency and follow-through. These are valid issues, but there’s another factor that often gets overlooked: natural drives.

Just like dogs come with a built-in temperament, they also come with preprogrammed drives. Think prey drive (the urge to chase small animals) or social drive (the need to greet people or other dogs). These instincts can sometimes override what you’re asking them to do. That’s why your dog might sit perfectly at home when nothing else is going on, but suddenly “forget” how to sit when they’re outside and see a squirrel or another dog. If a dog has strong natural drives, they might be less compliant than a dog with fewer conflicting instincts.

As we’ve discussed, puppies aren’t blank slates, so don’t fall into the trap of thinking that if you get a puppy and “raise them right,” they’ll magically turn into a perfectly well-adjusted adult dog. Your puppy will be as well-adjusted as their genetics allow, but there’s only so much you can control. So, should you get a puppy or an adult dog?

Raising a puppy can be both incredibly rewarding and incredibly overwhelming. Most people don’t anticipate just how much nipping and chewing is perfectly normal for a puppy. This is a big deal, especially if you have young kids.

A lot of people have this idyllic vision of their child and puppy cuddling up and growing up together. It’s a sweet thought because sometimes, the stars do align, and you end up with a puppy that’s a perfect fit for your kids. Maybe you even had that experience growing up and want to recreate it for your own family. Can it happen? Absolutely. Is it likely? Not so much. If you have young children (under 10, though it varies depending on the kids and the puppy), I’d suggest going for an adult dog.

Remember, both kids and puppies are immature beings. Expecting either one to respond to the other with maturity is a bit of a pipe dream. Puppy nipping can last for months, leaving your kids wary of the puppy. It can also go the other way—if the kids aren’t gentle with the puppy, don’t be surprised if the puppy isn’t exactly thrilled about hanging out with them.

If you’re dead set on getting a puppy and you know someone who had a good experience with their puppy and kids, find out where they got their pup. Going to the same breeder might up your chances of getting a puppy with a similar temperament. But hey, no guarantees—my brother was a laid-back, easy kid. Me? Not so much.

Even if you don’t have kids, it’s still nice to get a puppy that’s less nippy. I’d recommend looking for breeds that are typically described as “mellow” and “sweet.” If you’re picking from a litter, meet the puppies and choose the one with the calmest, sweetest energy. Try to let go of any narrow physical requirements like a specific color or gender. I’ve met plenty of people who got exactly the dog they wanted physically but found out they didn’t really enjoy being around their dog.

Adult dogs that are good with kids can be tricky to find, but they’re worth the effort. You can find them at rescues, shelters, or even through breeders. Breeders might have older dogs for sale for a variety of reasons—maybe a puppy was returned, they’ve retired a breeding dog, or they kept a few puppies to decide which one to keep for breeding and now want to re-home the others. Whether you’re getting a dog from a breeder or a rescue, make sure you meet the dog first and see how they interact with your kids. If the breeder or rescue tells you a dog isn’t suitable for living with children, believe them. They’re eager to place these dogs in homes, so if they say a dog isn’t the right fit for your situation, they’re probably right.

I’m all for a good dog movie, but let’s be real—Hollywood has seriously messed with our expectations of how dogs actually behave. Movies make it seem like dogs have this mystical ability to just know if someone is “good” or “bad.” I once had someone tell me they’ve never been bitten by a dog because they’re “a good person.” Sorry to break it to you, but that’s not how dogs work. Sure, dogs can pick up on sketchy vibes and might react to them, and they’re pros at reading body language—but they’re not psychic. Most aggressive dogs are set off by totally normal, everyday stuff.

If you’re thinking about getting a dog to “protect” you, don’t go for the aggressive one. Remember, 99.9% of the people coming to your house are probably people you actually like—and you want them leaving in one piece. An aggressive dog isn’t going to magically know to only go after that tiny 0.1% you consider a threat. If you want to feel safer, get a dog that looks the part but has a sweet temperament. Just having a big dog around can be enough to scare off trouble. Or skip the drama and get a security system—no vet bills included!